Regarding Hakkai
by Hyperqbe
Summary: Gojyo's thoughts...regarding Hakkai. Some Yaoi, you have been warned. ;)


This is it - I'm gonna snap.  
  
If that little whiney monkey doesn't shut the hell up, I can't be held accountable for what comes next.  
  
For the last, I don't know, hundred or so miles, he's been blathering on and on and on in an uninterrupted stream. He's bored, he's hungry, he's tired, his butt hurts from the rocks in the goddamned road. If he goes off on me one more time about my cigarettes I will kill him. Maybe even before Sanzo does.  
  
Ahead of me, Hakkai keeps on driving, ignoring the growing chaos so close behind him. His shoulders look tense. They always do.  
  
I imagine rubbing those shoulders like I used to, so long ago, before we took to the road with this pseudo-priest and his annoying-as-hell pet. I try shutting my eyes, hoping to shut out the little voice next to me. All that accomplishes is a barrage of sun-red dots behind my eyelids. That and the new assault of "hey, Gojyo, are you asleep???"  
  
I heave a sigh. "No, I'm not." And he's off again.  
  
Squinting against the glare, I try to narrow my perception to the space right in front of me, where Hakkai is sitting behind the wheel. It's easier than I expected. Damn, but it's easy. My hands remember the feel of his shoulders, his back, his hips. My whole body remembers the feel of him, and I ache.  
  
Gonou.Hakkai.one man, two names, two lives. The only man I. Well. Does no good to go there now, does it. We can't let our personal feelings interfere with the mission. If those who would stop us knew, we would each be the other's undoing, and I can't allow that. Neither can he.  
  
Fuck! I fling the stub of a cigarette out into the scenery and inspect the burn on my fingers. Haven't done that in a while. Must've gotten a little distracted, eh, there?  
  
Amazingly enough, Goku is staring into the distance in silence. For a moment I feel kind of bad at how I've been treating the kid. He's got no real clue about this whole business, and I've acted like he did. Then again, to interact with him like a real person, just like with Hakkai, would put us in extra danger. We can't let our guard down, even amongst ourselves.  
  
I stare at the monkey for a few moments, marvelling at how young and innocent he still looks. He adores Sanzo, that much is obvious, and he likes Hakkai because he is kind. With me, he's like the little brother I never had but always sort of wanted. I can feel the gentle smile curve my lips out of their usual smirk; before he might turn and see I force it away. Hard, hard, hard. No softness here.  
  
That last thought had not yet fled my consciousness when I glanced back at Hakkai, and the heat rises to my face. No, no softness here, for damn sure.  
  
Gods I miss him. The warm, uncertain moments, so new to both of us. The exploration, slow and sensual, never presuming, always a little breathless.  
  
Far away I hear Goku laughing at me; I don't care. I know I must have this kind of goofy look on my face and a rock-hard boner in my pants. I don't care.  
  
When Sanzo whips around and smacks him with that fan of his, I silently cheer. I lean back in the seat and put my arm across my eyes, blocking out the brutal sun. I let my left hand fall to my lap, cradling but not fondling. Not yet, anyway. That might be later, but for now my memory and the bouncing of Jeep are enough to keep me quite happy.  
  
The weight of my own hand reminds me of his first tentative touch, so unsure, so timid. We were sitting together on my battered sofa and drinking a little too much. I leaned across him, trapping him in his seat, and traced the line of his thigh with my fingertips. Not really different from a girl's leg; not really. And he was so damn pretty, not really different.  
  
But when my hand encountered his stiffening prick, the encounter went from familiar to exotic in a heartbeat.  
  
Now as then my lips part with a whispered "oh!"  
  
He had gasped out my name, gripped my arm tightly, but had not tried to stop me. He had leaned back in his seat, just as I now leaned back in mine, and his breath came in short gulps. One hand still on my arm, his other hand went to the back of my head and pulled me to him; his mouth opened to greet mine.  
  
Distantly I hear Goku whining to Sanzo, "Make him stop!"  
  
The monk's wise reply: "Ignore him, it'll be over faster if you do."  
  
I don't care. My hand is giving me all the comfort I can have, taking the place of another hand, a warmer hand. I don't care.  
  
As we kissed, the hand that gripped my arm slid down, dropped to my knee, then inched its way back up. My cock pulsed with my heartbeat, and I knew the rhythm echoed within Hakkai's breast as well. We drew breath as one, and his fingers traced the outline of my desperately hard member. I moaned against his mouth. My hand faltered in its rubbing, then resumed a little faster. He gasped, and his fingers grasped me through my pants and tugged.  
  
That first time had lasted many minutes, but today. My breath rasps through my parched throat as my left hand clutches my spasming dick through my now- damp trousers.  
  
To my left I hear the monkey shouting, "Sick, sick, sick!"  
  
I smile a little to myself as I pack away those thoughts for another day. If only he knew how special they were, how very precious, I don't think he'd be quite the prude. Maybe someday I'll tell him. Probably not.  
  
The others have their own inspirations, their own reasons for going on. I'll keep my own sacred, until such time as it can be realized once more.  
  
This time I don't fight as sleep drags me down. 


End file.
